This will change us.
In November of 2019, I made the decision to quit my very stable job with the state of Washington, and pursue my painting full time. Being anxious by nature, it was a difficult decision, illustrated by the fact that I didn't actually end up leaving my job until February 10, 2020.
Besides having a very supportive partner, who encouraged me and is making it possible for me to do this financially, it came down to me saying to myself "If not now, when?" At 51 ½ years old, it is finally clear to me that my obsession with painting is a gift, and it is what I really need to be doing with my time. So, I stepped into this new chapter, leaving a lot up to chance (and by "a lot", I mostly mean, how I am going to make money).
Needless to say, none of it has unfolded as I had pictured it. My original plan when I quit was to hide out and go deep in the studio for a few months, and follow where that path is leading. That plan hasn't really changed, but with the pandemic everything else has changed.
We are extremely lucky to have a home to stay in, and my out of state parents have people coming in to help them out, so I am grateful for that. I keep asking the universe how I can help in all of this, and every day, I end up back in the studio, in my backyard. But I keep asking.
I am realizing that pursuing my painting is more important than ever. It is like an anchor that I never knew I had. It has been difficult to paint with all my worried thoughts running through my head, so I paint in shorter blocks of time. But I keep showing up, and painting through the difficulty.
I don't know what will happen, but I know this will change us. I am going to keep showing up for this mystery, and help where I can.